i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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