She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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