ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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