Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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