oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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