Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
