Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
