This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
