WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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