Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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