Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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