Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
