There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
