She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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