Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
