Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
