we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone shattered a urinal.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
