White coat. Heels.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
