Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
