sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
