My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize