I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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