I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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