And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
