That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
