I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
