I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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