Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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