I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
