So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
