Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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