Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
