i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
