I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
third nipple confirmed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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