you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
