Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
