at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
