mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
