don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
