Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
