the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
