The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize