I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
