herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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