Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
