I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
