Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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