Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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