Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
