I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
