You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
