Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
