my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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