I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
