i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
