All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
