God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
