He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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