TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
