And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
