Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize