Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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