Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
