she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she peed on how many people?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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