Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
