Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
