All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
